The Numbers Game

I used to think high school teachers were just there to teach us a particular subject, and they were paid to promote their subject of choice. The English teachers used to say how wonderful reading is. Music teachers used modern music to prove their point that all music, at its basic, simplest form, is the same, whether it be Rap or R&B or Country or Classical. And my math teachers always threatened that math was everywhere.

I quickly decided to send my life in an opposite direction, hoping to avoid numbers as much as possible.

But , alas, they were right. Reading is wonderful. All music does stem from a basic beat. And, much to by dismay, numbers and math are everywhere.

I deal with numbers for a living--in marketing, there are P&Ls, gains and losses, ratios of success, comparisons, and so many possible formulas that I’m beginning to think Microsoft Excel was built around marketing specifically.

I still don’t like numbers that much. And they creep into parts of my life I do like and enjoy and kill any creativity or imagination. My sewing is based on yards of fabric. Cooking is based on fractions. Knitting is counting stitches and measuring pieces. And running is kilometers to mileage, heart rates, timing systems, caloric intake, energy spent, so on and et cetera.

The biggest number game with running that confuses me and frustrates me is that complicated formula that deals with how many calories I take in versus how many calories I burn from exercise versus how many calories I burn just my existing equals how much weight I lose/gain.

And I never seem to get the formula right.

I am not fat. I don’t claim to be, nor do I honestly look in the mirror and think such thoughts. I would like to be toner. I would like to be slimmer. I would like to run faster and I would like to be lighter. As it is, people are generally shocked when they do hear what I weigh and how I look. I understand that muscle weighs more, and as an active runner/gym attendee, I shouldn’t focus so much on the numbers on the scale and more on how my clothes fit. As a number hater, I would think I would welcome that idea.

But I can’t help but wonder how I can help my body reach is optimal performance peak. How can I find my truly ideal body weight--you know, that amazing point where you are what you are, you eat healthy, you aren’t chewing your fist off by 4:00, but you aren’t putting weight on. You are running your best, you feel great, and you look amazing. How many calories do I need--I don’t want to eat so many I gain weight, but I also don’t want to dip to where I have no energy, I’m dying for the next meal, and my body so much as looks at a piece of toast and hides it away for the rainy day it thinks is coming.

I tend to obsess with calorie counting. This cereal is this many calories, versus this many in the egg whites. I ran over four miles, so I get this cereal for breakfast because it has more calories. I’ve tried the basic, simple plan of this is the weight I want to weigh, this is how many calories I need, and this is my lifestyle and Bam! That should work. I should magically be happy and satisfied and get to the ideal weight, right? Well, it doesn’t seem quite so easy.

Maybe someday I’ll reach that magical plateau…that place mentioned above where I am in complete and total control and diet and nutrition are such a second nature that I can go back to the creativity and imagination I really love, and get away from this numbers thing.